writing

Rest along the Road

~ Alina ~ 4 Comments

What’s the purpose of your life?

The thing that’s bigger than yourself–your mission, dream, calling, purpose, the something that you alone feel uniquely designed to do.

Maybe it’s writing a book (harrumph). Maybe it’s spiritual growth. Maybe it’s investing in a relationship. Maybe it’s leading a ministry. Maybe it’s raising a child (or a few). Maybe it’s spending a year backpacking across the country, like my friend David. Maybe you don’t have a clue, but you’re seeking it. Something you were born to do. Something you believe in, that gives you purpose, that makes you feel alive.

Purpose is a great thing. Without it, we constantly ask ourselves, “What am I here for?”

But journeys of purpose are big. And big journeys take time. Lots of time.

As time passes, energy drains away. We lose sight of the distant, big-picture goal because our myopic vision gets crowded with small failures, hiccups, hardships, naysayers…and tiredness. Just plain road-weariness.

Photo credit: Chaz Harding

I read this story about the Biblical prophet Elijah today. Talk about someone with a big life purpose. But at one point he said to God, “I have had enough, Lord” (1 Kings 19).

Had. Enough. 

Photo credit: Soon

The long road of pursuing purpose can leave us feeling burned out like fire-gutted stumps. Elijah was so fed up with chasing purpose and feeling like a failure that he wanted to die.

God’s advice, delivered by angelic messenger?

“Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.”

God even sent Elijah an ancient Hebrew Happy Meal to get him started.

Photo credit: Stefan

Before God urged Elijah forward in his journey of purpose, the prophet’s immediate needs had to have some attention. He ate some food. Took two long naps. Went away to Mount Horeb for some refreshing alone time. Spent time in the presence of God. Found a helper.

And THEN he was able to go back to full time prophet-ness. Proclaimed God’s words to difficult people. Did miracles. Made history.

There’s a lot on my plate right now, especially as I look to move forward with my writing career. Maybe there’s a lot on your plate, too. But Elijah’s story encourages me.

The strength to carry on, to continue down that long and worthwhile road, may be closer than you think:

Eat food. Get sleep. Take some time away to refresh. Be in the presence of God. Get a helper.

Or, in the sweet and simple words of my friend and fellow blogger Anna Taylor: Peace, darling.

Purpose is a long road. So pace yourself. Rest along the way. You’ll make it in time.

How do you find rest along the way of purpose? 


Inspiration: The Playlist

~ Alina ~ 4 Comments

How do you get inspired to create? 

Some authors (and other kinds of artists, too) have the luxury of full-time creative work. Others, like the 40 pictured in this article, have had brilliant, inspiring spaces dedicated exclusively to their craft. 

But some of us have other jobs. When I’m not writing, I’m teaching kids to craft paragraphs or fixing people’s grammar. I’d love it if my workspace always looked like this:
But more of the time, it looks like this: 
Or just this: 

Just enough space to sit in the middle of the explosion.
So how do you get your mind to travel to far-off places and create vivid, enthralling scenes when all you can see is the carpet that needs vacuuming or the piles of unanswered notes on your desk? 

I’m going to be writing a series of blog posts on where I find writing inspiration. These are my personal quirks to trick my brain into creating, even when the space around me doesn’t inspire or my brain would rather just spend all day staring out the window.

Number one is the playlist. 

For my novel-in-progress (which is very, very close to being my COMPLETED novel), I write to a list of songs that take me to the fantasy world of my story and reconnect me with the characters. I’ve developed an almost Pavlovian response to the song “Ora” by Italian pianist Ludovico Einaudi (the first one on my list). The first few notes play, and I’m instantly in the story. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to write another story to this song. It’s too tied to this set of characters. 

Over time, I’ve collected more and more songs for this list. There are now 43 songs on it, for a total of 2.9 hours. I know it’s a good writing day when I finish the last song and have to start the playlist over. 


With a few exceptions, most of the songs are instrumental, so the words in my head don’t have to compete with the ones in my ears. Some tunes are classical (like Beethoven’s 7th Symphony or Bach’s “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring”) but more have a Celtic flavor to them. I especially like Enya, Jim Brickman, and Loreena McKennitt. 

Soundtracks are also one of my favorite resources. Music that was originally composed to tell a story helps me tell mine. My list includes selections from the live-action Peter Pan, The Lion King, and A Series of Unfortunate Events. 
I’ve made playlists for other stories, too, but they look completely different (well, except for the emphasis on instrumental music). One has a couple of Irish drinking songs on it; another emphasizes classical Spanish guitar. When this novel is done, I guess I’ll have to start an entirely new playlist of inspiring songs.

Does music help you to create? What songs get your creative juices flowing? 

Cats, Dogs, and Grammar

~ Alina ~ Leave a comment

When I’m not writing irresistible blog posts (*ahem*) I actually make a living by fixing people’s grammar. As a freelance editor and English tutor, mostly, but occasionally for free in conversation. I really try to keep that knee-jerk reaction under control, though.

Grammar is descriptive rather than prescriptive, meaning that what is “correct” changes over time, according to the way people really use words in speaking and writing. Unlike in science, there are very few absolute laws in grammar. So anyone who tries to collar you and tell you that ending a sentence with a preposition is a cardinal sin is probably just…overreacting.

Overreacting. Image courtesy of stock.xchng and xvoltagex

That being said, the goal of language is to communicate, and to accomplish that, the way we use language has to be standardized. Publications like the MLA Handbook, the Chicago Manual of Style, and the Associated Press Stylebook exist to teach us how to write standard English (and even write with style). And because of them, here are a few of my pet peeves from the last few weeks:

1. Take your sentences to the gym

I think of a sentence as a person going for a workout. Get rid of all the extra flab, and you’ve got a toned, healthy, athletic body. You can’t get attached to that extra bit of tummy fat; it’s about the health and fitness of the whole body. So for the sake of the sentence’s health, ask yourself, “Can I say the same thing in fewer words?”

Image courtesy of stock.xchng and ctr

2. “The difference between the right word and the almost right word…”

“…is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug” (Mark Twain). I love big words. I am enraptured by big words. My favorite word in English is tintinnabulation. (Go look that one up for a grin.) But every word has a shade of meaning, and you have to choose the one that best suits your sentence. So don’t use incursion when you mean raid, or hirsute when you mean bearded. There’s a time and a place for big words, but they’re not one-size-fits-all. Make sure you understand what you’re really saying.

Image courtesy of stock.xchng and Catrya

3. Be nice to apostrophes

This one’s best explained with a couple of formulas and a picture.

Your=belonging to you
You’re=you are
You’re about to step on your French poodle.

Whose=belonging to whom
Who’s=who is
Whose French poodle is that? Who’s a French poodle? 

(Note: who’se is not a thing…)

There=a place
Their=belonging to them
They’re=they are
They’re picking up their French poodle from there.

Poor poodle.

Image courtesy of stock.xchng and crs_171

Loving the grammar (or need some more help)? Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips is one of my favorite quick-reference websites. I also just found out that Grammar Girl has a whole Pinterest board of hilarious cartoons for grammar nerds. Enjoy!

Do you have any pet grammar peeves? Feel free to share them in the comments!

Novels and Ships

~ Alina ~ 2 Comments

So instead of blogging yesterday…

…I worked on my novel.

Which looked kind of like doing Internet research on ships.

I found one that might end up in my final draft. It was known as a packet ship of the Black Ball Line, active from 1817-1878.

Cool, huh? Fast, spacious, well-armed. I won’t tell you what it’s for, but let’s just say it’s making a cameo in this book so it can possibly reappear in the sequel.

And here’s a snippet of what I was working on yesterday:

Ellie took the pen and let it hover above the page. Fill the words with light. Where on earth to start? She closed her eyes, remembering the story. Instead of curly black letters, she saw sailors fleeing from giant waves, a salty hurricane of spray overwhelming them. But then the clouds broke, and the white gull came wheeling down in a shaft of late golden light. The fearsome waves were turned to turquoise mountain peaks, capped with snowy foam–and gilded with light like the Legend in her visions. She dabbed her pen in the dish of blue ink and began to draw. 

Getting excited? So am I. I’ve only got about 45 pages left to revise!

On This Day…

~ Alina ~ 3 Comments

Ever look at your calendar and remember what you were doing on this day, one or two or three years ago?

Three years ago (well, April 25), I found myself in church. In western Ireland.

With only about 10 regular attendees, there were more people buried in the churchyard than alive inside the service. It was rather quiet. 

Aftewards, some friends and I went horseback riding! I hadn’t been on a horse since I was eight years old (when veterinarian topped my list of career choices).

This horse was named Rua (Gaelic for “red”). As we neared the hilltop, she bolted. Bouncing around, as in control as a sack of flour, I clutched the English saddle, watching my life flash before my eyes…and arrived at this incredible vista of clear sea and sky (with the Blasket Islands visible across the bay).

Having survived our adventure, we limped off, saddle-sore, to reward ourselves with…

…the world’s most amazing chocolate cake! Murphy’s is an Irish ice cream/sweets shop that makes absolutely the best chocolate cake in the world. If you’re ever in Ireland, find some. It’s an especially good way to forget about being saddle-sore. 
I still miss Ireland some days. Especially when I think about what I was doing on this day two years ago: editing my senior project in college. 
With scissors. Helps rustle up the necessary ruthlessness. No better way to visualize transposals or deletions. I also think I killed an entire rainforest’s worth of post-it notes. But I graduated!
One year ago, I was…

…at my desk, finishing the second draft of my novel. I’m now partway through the fourth draft, which (I hope) will be the last. Maybe this novel will see the light of day before I start getting a senior discount on my office supplies. 
And today, I am here, typing up this blog post:
Freelance life may not often take me across the world on exciting adventures. I don’t often find myself bolting up hills on a runaway horse or violently editing a story with scissors. It’s not every day I get to celebrate the accomplishment of a completed novel draft. But my imagination doesn’t starve. And that is a blessing.
What do you see when you look back at this day in past years?

Imagine

~ Alina ~ 8 Comments

Lately, my lunchtime reading (out of the enormous stack) has been the book Imagine by Jonah Lehrer. It’s a fascinating investigation into the conditions under which creativity occurs. While the book has attracted some bad press recently, the main messages ring true with my own experience.

I’ve been thinking a lot about creativity lately, because my novel is chugging slowly toward completion. I’m now in the midst of a 4th (and hopefully final!) draft of this 4 1/2-year project, so fostering the conditions under which creativity can blossom is a major preoccupation. While I may not be as scientific about it as Jonah Lehrer, I do have a few favorite ingredients for effective creative work.

First ingredient: chocolate. Chocolate makes everything better. Especially if it also has coffee in it!

Second ingredient: post-it notes. Definitely multicolored (although I’ve heard rumor that the yellow ones are the stickiest). I’m currently using them to color-code my revision notes: pink for introduction, green for body, blue for conclusion, yellow for characters. I use so many that I should probably buy stock in the post-it note company.

Third ingredient: English tea. Yesterday I even got lucky and found a scone to go with it. Tea, scone, post-its, favorite pen, and double-spaced manuscript. Perfect recipe for a productive novel-writing afternoon. 

I must have picked up this habit while I was in Britain. I never even liked black tea until I drank it in a window seat overlooking the rugged Welsh countryside. With a book, of course. (That’s Bruce Chatwin’s In Patagonia, if you’re curious.)

Of course, I don’t take pictures of the long hours I spend slouched in my office chair, or the late nights when I have to push up my eyelids to keep them open. The ones pictured here are the nicer moments. But they’re important to the creative process. Says Lehrer:

“This sort of mental relaxation makes it easier to daydream and pay attention to insights; we’re less focused on what’s right in front of us and more aware of the possibilities simmering in our imaginations.”

I’ll buy that.

What are the ingredients of your creative process? 

Turning the Page

~ Alina ~ 6 Comments

Well, good morning, 2013. I’ve been underground for a while. Nice to see you.

Time to get a new year of blogging up and running with a post about New Year’s Resolutions. Someone told me recently that they don’t bother with resolutions at New Year’s–if they see a need for change in their life, they’ll get on with changing it immediately. I respect that, and I don’t hold much stock in resolutions either, but last year I talked a bit about my philosophy about resolutions vs. goals. I do like the opportunity afforded by a new year to turn a page in life. If 2012 beat down your idealism and best efforts and dragged you through the mud, it’s okay. Wipe the slate clean. Cancel the debts. Start fresh. Tomorrow is another day.

I like to start by glancing over my shoulder at last year’s goals. It’s a bit encouraging, a bit dismal, and a bit amusing to remind myself of what I set out to do in the last year:

1. Get to know God better by reading the Bible through in chronological order

Status: in process (forever). I made it about halfway through the Bible before this year’s hurricanes got in the way. I’m hoping to pick up the other half and finish it this year.

2. Have the second draft of my novel completed and be ready to start looking at literary agents by June

Status: in process (hopefully not forever). The second (and third) drafts of my novel are done (yay!) but I’ve learned a lot about the process of publishing since last January. I decided to recruit a squad of test readers, primarily 9-14-year-olds, to read the manuscript and help me identify its weak spots. That process is now winding up, as the last few of these loyal secret agents send me their invaluable files of comments. Armed with these, I plan to troubleshoot the manuscript one last time and then apply to some literary agents. I’ve also learned more about the increasingly attractive and accessible process of self-publishing, which may be another possible route for my book.

3. Take a 2-month class on blogging and social media for authors

Status: done! One down! I learned so much from this class, taught by Kristin Lamb. We may not agree on every issue, but it definitely got me thinking about writing as a business, kicked me into gear on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, and Google+ (yipes!), and most importantly, got me connected with a network of other writers who are working toward the same goals.

4. Buy a car

Status: also done! My sweet silver ride still makes me smile. Ever since we met back in July, it’s been love for Baby and me 🙂 Incidentally, I’ve also learned how to check PSI, buy a pair of windshield wipers, and refill wiper fluid in the engine (hint: you can use plain water :)).

5. Read Gone with the Wind, Othello, and The Kite Runner

Status: 2 out of 3. None of these are especially happy books, but The Kite Runner was just too intense for me by the time I thought about it in mid-August. Othello–forgive me, Shakespeare–was not my favorite play ever. The conflict felt contrived and the female lead was just downright wimpy. Othello wasn’t exactly a genius, either. I think the best role went to Iago’s wife, who told everybody what was what (before dying in the last scene, of course). Gone with the Wind was the best of the bunch–a soaring, operatic panorama in a style that reminded me of Les Miserables, but was much easier to read. The characters are fiery and unforgettable, and the portrait of the antebellum South was detailed and dramatic. A great book, if you’ve got time for a long one.

And now for some new goals. We’ll see how these fare in the year to come 🙂

1. Grow closer to God

2. See my novel accepted for publication or self-published

3. Work up to a monthly income I can live on

4. Learn the craft of bookbinding. Okay. How cool would THAT be??

File:Restore.jpg

What are your goals for 2013? 

11 Questions for a Real Live Author

~ Alina ~ 3 Comments

Ever wondered what a day in the life of a published author is like? Does the muse sing gracefully while fingers race on the keyboard to keep up? Or is it more like piles of coffee cups and shredded drafts? Do published authors have second jobs? What are their geeky secrets? And what do they think about e-books vs. paper?

Free image courtesy of stock.xchng and nkzs

Well, today we’re lucky enough to find out, because I’m doing my first author interview on this blog! Local author (and my good friend) Angela Wallace has just self-published her 5th title, an urban fantasy called Earth Tones, which is the third in her Elemental Magic series. She is now sitting in my virtual living room, ready to reveal her secrets. Muahaha.

I mean, welcome, Angela.


1. Let’s talk about book love (since that’s obviously one of my favorite topics). How old were you when you fell in love with reading? Can you remember what book/ books inspired you? 

I fell in love with reading the moment I learned how. I’d go to every Scholastic book fair and read enough books to get a prize every time. Some of my favorite books were Tamora Pierce’s quartets Song of the Lioness and The Immortals. They started with a young child with dreams or special powers, and the books followed their growth into young adulthood. I loved the journey. And the fantasy worlds. 😉


2. What was the first story you ever finished about? 

It was a YA sci-fi about a teenage rebel group in a post-apocalyptic United States. I guess the correct term would be dystopian, but it was heavy with space pods and ray guns. I wrote it when I was ten.



3. If you could have lunch with anyone, living or dead, who would it be and why? 


A. W. Tozer. I love his book, The Pursuit of God, and I imagine it would be an extraordinary conversation.


4. Juggling jobs is one of my biggest challenges. How does a published author support herself? Is writing your only job? 

I’m also a sign language interpreter. I work at a couple local colleges interpreting classroom lectures. It’s great because I get to keep learning new subjects, but don’t have to work for a grade!


5. What is the geekiest thing about you? Because we have to know 🙂

I know how to write a form of Tolkien’s elvish runes. I used to exchange letters with a friend in high school written in them. It also makes a very handy code to keep passwords in.

6. What are some of the weirdest ways you’ve gotten story ideas? 

Dreams, for one. I’ve dreamed a few complete story plots from beginning to end, though they don’t often get written down. If I could just dream about the novels I’m actually working on, I could save time!


7. Now that you can look back on the completion of your latest book, Earth Tones, what was your favorite part of writing this book? 

Hm, I think it was getting to know a new main character, plus getting to play with a new element. There was a lot more opportunity for Nita to communicate with animals, and the earth wielding in fight scenes was fun too.


Angela’s latest book, Earth Tones, is the third in her Elemental Magic series.

8. You publish both paper books and e-books. As an avid reader yourself, which do you prefer, and why? 

It depends. I do like paper books, seeing the cover on the front, seeing my progress as I turn the pages. But some of them are really fat and it hurts my wrist to hold them, lol. Then I like e-books better because it’s much lighter to carry around.

9. Online self-publishing gets a lot of media attention these days. So what do you like about self-publishing? 

I like keeping control over my story. (Yes, I’m a control freak.) I also like working at my own pace. I can be a drill sergeant on myself, but am well aware that “life happens.” It’s easier to give myself permission to be flexible than it is to ask for it from someone else.


10. Anything you don’t like about it?  

The marketing, lol. Though, traditionally published authors have to do much the same. Putting together this blog tour was a big step for me!


11. Are there are any fun scenes in Earth Tones that didn’t end up in the final draft? 

There was this cute scene I wanted to use, but it just didn’t fit anywhere in the story. Nita and her boyfriend Keenan are leaving the house when they find a moose on the porch. I learned that this is a very dangerous situation and that people are actually trapped in their homes until the moose decides to leave on its own. Now, Nita could just tell the moose to get lost with her earth magic, but instead she says they’ll have to put their plans on hold, and with a suggestive smile, hints that they can figure out something else to fill their time with.

Thank you for your time and insights, Angela! 


If Earth Tones captures your fancy, check it out on Amazon. 

And watch the book trailer on Youtube (trailers aren’t just for movies anymore)! Authors nowadays–especially self-published–are Jacks and Jills of many trades, and Angela turned moviemaker to promote her new book. Check it out.  


You can also read the book description:


Nita Young doesn’t know if she has a future with college sweetheart Keenan Donovan—two star-crossed lovers of opposing elements—but she invites him up to Alaska to see if Earth and Water can rekindle their old flame. When a series of wild animal attacks strike the inhabitants of Yakutat, Nita has to put her romantic plans on hold. Mangled bodies are turning up, and a mysterious black panther has been spotted in the woods. Fur, scales, and a venomous bite suggest the cat is supernatural in origin—and evidence indicates that someone not only summoned it, but is using it to target those Nita cares about. It’s the perfect murder weapon: no fingerprints, no evidence. And in a town this small, the killer is someone she knows. Nita’s strength will be put to the test as she faces losing her friends, her town, and the man she loves.


To connect with Angela:
Angela Wallace loves gun-toting good boys and could have been a cop in another life except for the unfortunate condition of real blood making her queasy. Good thing writing gun and sword fights isn’t a problem. In her books you’ll find the power of love, magic, and redemption. 

Blog: http://angelawallace.wordpress.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Angela-Wallace-Author/232511253453440
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AngelaRWallace

I hope you enjoyed this interview! If you leave a comment to this post, both Angela and I will be answering them today. Open Q&A time. Hint, hint 🙂

Writer/Editor

~ Alina ~ 4 Comments
My business card says Alina Sayre, Freelance Writer/Editor. 
It doesn’t say that those two halves of my brain have separate personalities. 
But before you ship me off to the asylum with multiple personality disorder, I’d like you to meet them. 
The writer in me is named Cordelia, after Anne from Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery (played by Megan Follows in the 1985 film). At her first meeting with her new guardian, Marilla, eleven-year-old Anne introduces herself this way:

“Will you please call me Cordelia?” she said eagerly.
“Call you Cordelia! Is that your name?”
“No-o-o, it’s not exactly my name, but I would love to be called Cordelia. It’s such a perfectly elegant name.”
Cordelia is a dreamy, imaginative person with plenty of capacity for feeling and believing. She watches the habits of people and observes the world with eyes hungry for detail. No nook or cranny is too obscure to find wonder there. Sometimes she gets carried away with wild schemes, like dyeing her hair green, or flies into unexpected rampages, but overall she is a poetic and reflective person. She lets beauty “soak into her soul” and makes up stories about herself, her family, the neighbors, and any interestingly unsuspecting person. Consider yourself warned.
The other half, Madame Editor, is a middle-aged Victorian woman named Aunt Josephine (played by Meryl Streep in the film version of Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events). Her watchword is:
“Grammar is the greatest joy in life, don’t you find?”

Aunt Josephine’s idea of a good time is an afternoon spent adjusting commas in accordance with The Chicago Manual of Style (16th ed., of course). She flinches at the improper use of their/there/they’re and goes into raptures over a sentence that diagrams correctly. Her ideal man is one who says, “Why…grammar is the number one, most important thing in this here world to me” (even if he turns out to be a sham fisherman). 

How these two people co-exist inside my head is a mystery to me. They certainly don’t get along very well. Both are high-strung and occasionally fly into a temper when their opinion is contradicted. I’ve learned that the key to a happy mental life and successful writing sessions is to keep them apart. Do not cross this line. Do NOT cross this line. 

When I’m writing, usually Cordelia gets to come out first, because Aunt Josephine isn’t actually very good at coming up with original sentences. Cordelia, by contrast, could gush out words until the moon turns blue. With over 500,000 English words to choose from and an innumerable number of life observations and human subjects to choose from, she can imagine herself into any world she chooses at any time of day. But eventually it’s time for her to come away from the keyboard and give someone else a chance.

Then Aunt Josephine comes out to play. While she may look like an ogre as she ruthlessly slashes away, cutting out whole words, sentences, and paragraphs, she actually has a huge respect for writing and language. She simply believes that language forfeits its full power if it is overused or improperly used. Brevity is the soul of wit, and good grammar doesn’t hurt either. Sometimes she bosses Cordelia into submission, but when the dust settles, they usually agree that the end manuscript is better for their joint efforts. 

I saw a cartoon where a pencil point and its eraser were having dinner together. On the phone, the pencil point says, “Can I call you back? I’m having dinner with my editor.” Life in my brain is like that. As long as the two halves of the pencil work separately and respect each other’s abilities, they continue to co-exist safely and (sometimes) happily.



Does your brain have multiple sides to it? How does it help or hinder your creative process?

Brave

~ Alina ~ 13 Comments

My novel’s characters are getting braver. 
In college, I had a writing professor who continuously told me that my stories needed more conflict, that nothing happened in them. 
I didn’t tell him that that was because I’m terrified of conflict. 
Free image courtesy of Stuart Miles/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Actually, I’ve spent most of my life tiptoeing around other people’s disappointment. Conceding. Scrambling to deliver. Shying away from honesty about my needs, feelings, and limitations. 
As I revise my novel, I’m seeing that fear in my characters. In my last draft, they’d get frustrated, feel beaten down, get worked up almost to the point of an argument–and then dodge, preferring to dwell inside the safety of their own heads. 
Not in this draft. Not as much, anyway.
In the last month of my life, it seems as if opportunities for conflict have abounded. Mounting stress and limited energy have sometimes left me in a corner, with no choice but to say “no” or crumble. 
Turns out, though, that “no” can feel pretty good. (This video about “no” makes me laugh.)
“NO” is one of the hardest words for a people-pleaser to pronounce. WHAT?? I’m NOT Superwoman??!! 
Guess not.
People aren’t always going to be happy with me. It’s not always good for me to say yes. It’s not always possible. And that’s OK. Even if it makes people mad on occasion. The people who really matter will stick around, love me even when I’m not perfect.
And guess what? It’s even OK for me to ask other people for help sometimes, too! Wonders abound. 
While I was at camp this past week, volunteering as a counselor, I had the chance to walk a prayer labyrinth: an interactive tool for meditation that involves prayer in motion. As my feet walked, one in front of the other, in between the double line of stones, I got such a picture of what it means to set limits. All I can do is walk between my rocks. They’re my boundaries. I can’t control what goes on beyond them. I just need to keep walking in a lane just wide enough for my feet. Those are my limits. And it’s OK to let other people know I have them.
Touchstone Maze
 © Copyright Carol Walker and licensed for reuse under the Creative Commons License 
Sometimes that means conflict.
And conflict…I guess…can actually be a good thing. Admitting that has given me such a boost of confidence.
I’m still not great at this whole say-no thing. I end up folding a lot more than I’d like to admit. But at least I don’t get nauseous anymore when I’m trying to write an argument scene. Not usually. 
My characters are learning right along with me to step up and slap conflict in the face rather than tiptoe around it. 
And here’s a sneak peek at the results. 

“Can I help too?” Vivian asked eagerly.

“You?” Captain Daevin laughed. “Help with carpentry? It’s awfully dusty work, and you’re in this charming dress. Leave the men’s work to the men. Don’t fret your pretty head about it; you probably couldn’t follow the calculations anyway.”

She whirled on him.

“I beg your pardon? At the Library I was raised to Scholar Sixth Level in half the usual time. I can read in eighteen languages, and I most certainly will not leave this work to the men! What do you think I am; a painting on the wall, existing only to be admired? Thank you, sir, but I have no fear of a little dust, dress or no dress. Here.”

She thrust her straw hat into his hands and turned her back on him, her face flushed, eyes blazing. 

“Now, what can I do to help?”

Slack-jawed, Jude handed her a hammer and a bundle of nails. Captain Daevin, still blinking in surprise, backed out of the room, her hat still in his hands.